Something Better Than Ice Cream and Truffles

How To Be a Bad Best Friend

I've been somewhat of a careless friend. Heck, I'm not going to sugar coat it. I've been a really bad friend. Once I realized that, the first thing that popped into my mind was blogging it down. Writing things down helps me to think more clearly about them. To add a little twist to my subject, I'm going to make a manual on how to be a bad friend. It's a 'What Not to Do' sort of thing. Hopefully, I'll get that I have to do the opposite of what I'm typing. 

1. First, you have to be a good best friend. You have to be so good of a friend that nobody expects that you'll turn bad later on. You can't be a bad friend if you were never a good one. If you were never a good friend and you are a bad friend, then you might as well just call yourself a stranger. I'm not sure if that made sense.

2. Once you manage to become a great best friend, you have to get jealous. You have to get insecure about your friendship, and think that you're going to lose your friend to someone she/he just started talking to. Do everything to win back your friend even though you haven't lost her/him yet. Get clingy. The outcome of this should be your best friend thinking that you don't want her/him to have their own life. This will really make them want to get rid of you. 

3. After you screwed up big time getting jealous, you have to get mad. You have to get mad about you and your best friend drifting apart. Argue with her/him about the silliest things. Don't give way even if your friend is right. Be stubborn. 

4. The fighting has been done and your best friend wants to talk. This part is very important. You absolutely, positively have to NOT LISTEN TO HER/HIM. Listening is for losers. You're still the stubborn person you were a day ago. Stick with your side. Don't think about how she/he feels. You're the one who has been hurt. Am I right or what?

5. After your best friend stops trying to talk to you, do what the cool people do. Ignore them. Act like you're better off without them even though you really miss your best friend. Hang out with other people. When your friend asks you a question in class, pretend that you didn't hear her/him and walk away. This should make them think that you completely forgot about them. 

6. This is the final step in the process--the deal maker. Once this is done, your best friend will be your ex-best friend. Think back. Think way back, to the time when everything was cool between you and your friend. Did you make a big promise to her/him? The answer should be yes. Most best friends have at least one promise between them. Well, once you chose the biggest promise you can remember, BREAK IT. Break it and broadcast it to the world. If your friend asks about why you did it, come up with some dumb excuse that could have been avoided if you were a good friend.  

Congratulations!

You have just mastered being a bad friend and lost your best friend in the process. Whoopee! 

P.S.- I exaggerated a bit on the steps. I don't want you thinking that I'm some crazy person, or do I?